Pfizer's RICO (not to be confused with "Rico Suave")

There's now a pill that makes your headaches go away, allergies disappear, mid-section tiny, mind sharper than ever, breasts larger, triglycerides lower, joints uber-lubricated, erection harder, menstrual cycles halt, and may even make your failed marriage work or build your credit back to 720...with no side effects, at all. What prescription medication can accomplish this, you ask? Just get any prescription medication you want and I can assure you some unapproved benefit, perhaps one of the above, will avail you. That's the secret art of big-pharma. Prescriptions don't get approved to provide such results, but they are promoted and marketed to represent that they can.